And of course I'm the "WORST. MOM. EVAH!" because "that other kid was doing it; why can't I?"
I was confused with my first child. He knew not to hit or bite, but how did I handle it when other kids did it to him. I couldn't discipline other children but their parents were not doing the job either! After I had my second son (who is a daredevil and would attempt things he saw the bigger kids do) I made sure to discipline him if he was doing something that was wrong...even if other kids were doing it.
Now, I know this may seem a little "passive aggressive" but if there is a child who is obviously not being supervised and either being a bad example for my kids or being mean to them, I remove my child from the situation and explain to him (loudly enough for the uninvolved parent to hear) that "just because the other child is being naughty doesn't mean we are" or "thank you for not retaliating. I'm proud that you're the better kid. You know we don't hit/bite/push others over and I'm proud of you for not hitting/biting/pushing back."
You can't discipline other people's children. But, I believe, if you expose the parents to their child's behavior (and their lack of response) that maybe they'll see what is happening and correct it. It has worked pretty well for me. Parents don't like to see their child being the "naughty" one and they correct their child pretty quickly.
So what do you do if your child is in this situation?
Whenever Aidan's been in a situation like this, honestly, the way that we have raised him comes through. The last time this happened, I was in a waiting room for one of Matthew's appointments. Aidan and Steven were playing with some blocks, and I was watching them.
ReplyDeleteSuddenly, I had a little girl. Cutest darn thing but looking around, I saw NO parent with eyes on that baby. Couldn't have been more than three.
As I watched, both my eldest and I were a bit scared. Aidan's got a temper, he's a daredevil, much like yours. This little girl YANKED the toy from his hands.
Steven and I were so sure that Aidan would lose his temper.
Instead, he said, "Oh, you can have it. Where's your Mommy? Don't you have a Mommy?"
The sad thing is, that waiting room was CROWDED. The play area, right by the door. In that case? You bet your butt I parented her. Someone had to. When Aidan said, "Where's your mommy?" I glanced around- and *I* said it. To my horror, this kid says, "Oh Mommy's in with the doctor."
"Is your Daddy or someone else here?"
"No."
I went and told the lady at the desk- I am not sure what happened, but the nurses took the little girl and kept her safe.
I don't believe that we should interfere with other parents, but you know what? Sometimes, you have to. Maybe the parents are bad, but those kids need protectors, sad as it is.